believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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