i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
