Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
