Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
