Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
time to smoke my breakfast
sarcasm needs its own font
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
