he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
