Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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