I skipped work to stalk him.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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