he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
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does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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