New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
