Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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