I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
