i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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