What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
