She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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