So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize