I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was born a porn star she said
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
