Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dating After Heartbreak
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have fence marks all over my body
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.