let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
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3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.