I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.