Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?

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  (631): Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later? http://tfl.nu/fnnu
  Replies (13) Good night (1867) Bad night (525)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on

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  (954): I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on http://tfl.nu/pg75
  Replies (43) Good night (3158) Bad night (728)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."

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  (248): Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching." http://tfl.nu/eoit
  Replies (59) Good night (975) Bad night (3199)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome

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  (612): adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome http://tfl.nu/w0f6
  Replies (49) Good night (3609) Bad night (945)
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  (858): View more from California

  I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

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  (858): I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way. http://tfl.nu/w85x
  Replies (26) Good night (14889) Bad night (1010)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?

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  (773): why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"? http://tfl.nu/okve
  Replies (9) Good night (5720) Bad night (1174)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.

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  (314): You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important. http://tfl.nu/ehih
  Replies (18) Good night (2422) Bad night (2656)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO

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  (973): DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO http://tfl.nu/pqah
  Replies (4) Good night (406) Bad night (710)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.

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  (845): Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent. http://tfl.nu/1ynv
  Replies (10) Good night (819) Bad night (448)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis

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  (202): I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis http://tfl.nu/lbuu
  Replies (43) Good night (942) Bad night (3350)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.

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  (401): He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate. http://tfl.nu/dyap
  Replies (1) Good night (727) Bad night (340)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list

  (989): View more from Michigan

  haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters

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  (810): hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list (989): haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters http://tfl.nu/iy12
  Replies (11) Good night (1391) Bad night (334)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!

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  (618): I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!! http://tfl.nu/uufd
  Replies (4) Good night (653) Bad night (301)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah. It's not just the beard either.

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  (412): she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe? (609): Yeah. It's not just the beard either. http://tfl.nu/x9o7
  Replies (8) Good night (936) Bad night (502)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...

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  (704): So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around... http://tfl.nu/dav9
  Replies (0) Good night (596) Bad night (174)

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