Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder

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  (310): This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder http://tfl.nu/q5de
  Replies (4) Good night (881) Bad night (1697)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.

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  (502): She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her. http://tfl.nu/ymnu
  Replies (36) Good night (4837) Bad night (1083)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.

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  (+61): She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me. http://tfl.nu/qxca
  Replies (27) Good night (6304) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm in his phone as sushi coochie

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  (610): i'm in his phone as sushi coochie http://tfl.nu/9tzp
  Replies (30) Good night (1178) Bad night (6797)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.

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  (614): Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by. http://tfl.nu/jzor
  Replies (49) Good night (1189) Bad night (5000)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.

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  (810): He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life. http://tfl.nu/cn7c
  Replies (15) Good night (6538) Bad night (1001)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady

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  (250): there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady http://tfl.nu/zjtt
  Replies (5) Good night (988) Bad night (2487)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.

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  (541): She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad. http://tfl.nu/yao2
  Replies (9) Good night (869) Bad night (3067)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea

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  (920): Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea http://tfl.nu/0m14
  Replies (3) Good night (2386) Bad night (1182)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old

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  (410): I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old http://tfl.nu/pmig
  Replies (9) Good night (2306) Bad night (1437)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic

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  (617): There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic http://tfl.nu/g9j9
  Replies (4) Good night (1473) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.

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  (720): She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that. http://tfl.nu/2gzq
  Replies (15) Good night (543) Bad night (1676)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.

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  (415): You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink. http://tfl.nu/i804
  Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (1207)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.

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  (832): Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober. http://tfl.nu/wntc
  Replies (7) Good night (1095) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Shania Twain would have been proud

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  (218): the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up (701): Shania Twain would have been proud http://tfl.nu/u6vz
  Replies (3) Good night (1099) Bad night (344)

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