I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
