Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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