just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
