Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize