as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
