Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
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He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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