So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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