I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
