I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
