sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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