hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
