What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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