dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
