No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
