Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
