Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
