We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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