You can't special order awesome
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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