would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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