I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I need water and some morals
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
