he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize