Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
