wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
