the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just high enough for therapy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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