Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
