I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
