you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
