I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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