escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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