My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize