Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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