I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
