i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
