he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
