You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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