I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
