She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
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They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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