Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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