I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
