You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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