if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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