Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
