The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think this conversation is over.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN