whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock