Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?