No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.