Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it