he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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