Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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