how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
