It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
