i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
