I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
